Husband forces wife to choose between their marriage and having more kids after she tells him she wants a third baby: ‘Even thinking about it makes me feel exhausted’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Mar 18, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

No one should be pressured to have kids when they don't want to, no matter who is trying to pressure them into it.

Anyone over the age of 25 has probably heard multiple comments about children from their parents, grandparents, and even aunts they only see once a year. It's always something along the lines of "So when are you going to give me grandchildren?" as if it's somehow something you owe to them. It's you giving them kids, you're not really doing it for yourself.

Yet anyone who had children for the sake of someone else will also tell you how bad of an idea it actually is. Having children when you're not sure you're ready for them is not only a terrible decision for your sake but also for the kids' sake. It shouldn't even be a consideration unless both people involved are fully on board with it.

That is what the husband in the story below has been trying to convey to his wife, who keeps pushing him to have a third baby.

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  • Even though marriage is all about compromise, there are some things you can't compromise on, and that includes children. If you don't want a third child, you can't really compromise on having one, because it's irreversible, you can't take it back. So if the husband says he's not ready, then having another baby shouldn't even be on the table. But that is not how the wife sees is.

    Keep scrolling to read the full story.

  • 01
    "I won't give her a third child"
    via FatCamera

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    "AITA for forcing my wife to choose between our marriage and having more kids?"

    My wife and I (both 31) have been married for 8 years and we have two kids 4 and under together. We had always discussed that the size of our family would depend on how we felt while we were having
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    kids but we both wanted more than one. After the birth of our second child I realized I was done and I told my wife two was it for me. She said that was okay with her but that has changed and it's now causing problems.
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    Six or so months ago my wife told me she wanted at least one more child and I told her I understood but I didn't and couldn't do another kid. She asked me what she could do to change my mind. She said
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    we could do daycare 5 days a week regardless of whether we're working or not. She suggested using our families to babysit more often so we'd have more time off. She
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    suggested that she would go back to her old job so we'd have more money. A job that she hated and was glad to leave and she swore she would never return to. One
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    she vented about on a regular basis. While I believe she would do it I don't think that would help us out long term because she'd just be extra stressed.
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    At one point she even suggested I didn't need to be all in for more than the two we have and she'd understand if I was less hands on with the next baby and child. That horrified me because when
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    she talked about it she said she'd understand that the third child would be the one she wanted and not me and she'd take responsibility for that. I can't imagine having a
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    child and treating them differently. To even suggest that it would be okay shocked me and I told my wife that. My reasons for feeling done are all different from each
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    other but complete the feeling for me. My wife has already experienced two very difficult. pregnancies and when she was pregnant with our younger child I found it incredibly stressful to juggle
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    everything especially when she was hospitalized. The balancing act between being there for our child who missed their mom like crazy and cried for her, to my wife who needed cheering up and
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    encouragement and support and working full time while also taking care of the kids. Not to mention during that time her sister and I had a major disagreement because I didn't step up and babysit for
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    her on three different occasions while my wife was in the hospital and I was already balancing a lot. That's a disagreement we have not recovered from either. Her sister and I are civil but not friendly like we used to be.
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    Another reason is the money. We spend a large amount on childcare already without adding another. Then I think of the future and how I want to keep saving for them. One of our kids has some medical
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    issues and while it's nothing life threatening medications are required and that costs money. I want to be able to put them in activities they enjoy. So overall financially I feel more comfortable with us having two.
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    The other part is time. We're already busy and I want to spend time with my wife and kids. Both 1:1 time and family time. Some weeks we don't get as much as I'd like and it's a lot of work parenting small
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    kids. I don't feel like I have the mental energy to add another to the mix. Even thinking about it makes me feel exhausted. I enjoy the family we have now. It's never too much. But I personally feel
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    like, for me, it would be. And ignoring one of my kids would not be an option for me. I have explained all of this to my wife and she still believes we can figure out something that can make us both happy
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    or work for us both. Prior to six months ago we had discussed my getting a Vi tomy and I even booked a consult to discuss it. My wife told me she wanted me to put it on hold when this discussion came up.
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    And now we've reached a point where my wife has admitted to me that while she doesn't want a divorce she resents my refusal to give in and will resent me if I won't have more children with her,
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    at least one more. She told me she won't be able to help it because she feels this burning desire for more kids. She told me I won't even try her compromises. I told her it's too late to compromise when
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    a child is already here. I told her we can't take a third child back. And I can't be a dad who f s their kids up by ignoring one or more.
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    Cheezburger Image 10481232640
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    So I told my wife she needed to make a decision once and for all. Accept having two kids and work through any resentment so we can try to stay married or end our marriage and she can find
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    someone else to have a third child with. I told her I am firmly done. My wife told me it's not fair to give her an ultimatum like this. Maybe she's right. But she wants to deal with this
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    between us and nobody else and for six months we have made no progress. She's just growing to resent me more every day because I won't give her a third child. AITA?
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    OutrageousBread2991 NTA. If you say yes, you'll resent her instead. Nobody wins.
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    hedwigflysagain NTA, there are no compromises with children. Your reasons don't really matter if you know you don't want more. You can't have one part-time one.
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    ProfessionalSir3395 NTA. If having a third kid is important, she can divorce you and get pregnant on her own.
    via ProfessionalSir3395
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    Chefnick500 Kids are a two yes one no, decision... you both have to be fully in agreement... You have a problem
    via Chefnick500

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aita marriage drama married with children wife relationship-drama reddit story relationships husband advice couples divorce love Reddit mom married children
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